


To Build A Home

by stravaganza



Series: the only thing i want to be labelled as is 'yours' [1]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Alpha Harry Hart, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Although to be fair Merlin would classify as genderfluid in this story, Do I need to say alcohol? It is Kingsman after all, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Constipated Merlin, Grief/Mourning, Happy Ending, Happy Ending always means Merhartwin to me, Harry Hart Lives, I may have invented the omegaverse equivalent to being trans, Infertile Character, M/M, Mild sexism towards omegas (thanks Chester), Mpreg, Mpreg Eggsy, Mpreg does happen in this fic but the only thing mentioned is Eggsy's baby bump, Not Beta Read, Not Britpicked, Nothing explicit like giving birth is described don't worry, Omega Eggsy Unwin, Omega Merlin, Pregnancy, Pregnancy Scares, Talks of Infertility, These tags are a mess but hopefully I've tagged every trigger, Unplanned Pregnancy, a bit of angst for flavour, but he has his reasons, except the genders are a/b/o, no TGC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2019-02-14 13:52:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13009212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stravaganza/pseuds/stravaganza
Summary: "Merlin had no claim over Harry, just like Harry had no claim over him. Things had always been like that, and who was Merlin to ask for them to change? It wasn’t his place to demand anything from Harry.He just selfishly wished that, of all the people Harry could pick over him, the man wouldn’t have chosen to fall for the boy Merlin had grown to love so much."





	To Build A Home

**Author's Note:**

  * For [elrhiarhodan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elrhiarhodan/gifts).



> "I'll write something short," I said. "It won't be that long, just a one shot!" I said. Shut up, me from this morning.  
> I'll be honest - I had a plot bunny for this story waking up and I thought - "I better check if it could fit anyone's secret Santa request!"  
> And it did, somewhat, fit with Elrhiarhodan's second prompt! Which was:
> 
> "Merlin's fallen in love with Eggsy but thinks it's hopeless, especially since Harry's home and it's so obvious that Eggsy's ass-over-tea-kettle in love with Harry. But is it really hopeless? Angst and happiness ensue."
> 
> Fair warning: this is the first Kingsman fanfiction I actually get to post, so it might not be the best thing you've ever read, but ever since I fell back into this black hole in September I've been having new plot bunnies at least daily and I've been working on something like fifteen fics lately. Let me know if you like my work, and they might see the light! Please, heed the tags, there's some sensitive topics not everyone might enjoy. Take care!
> 
> Disclaimer: I'm an Italian woman who learnt British slang and colloquialism mainly through fanfiction and television. This isn't Brit-picked nor beta read, but if anyone would like to help me with that (on this and on any future work), let me know in the comments, or send me an ask on tumblr @stravaganza!
> 
> Enough talking, I think I've said everything.
> 
> Happy holidays, Elrhiarhodan! I very much hope you like this!!

When a slightly panicked Eggsy entered his office, Merlin worried something terrible might have happened.

Maybe one of the recruits had accidentally drowned in the swimming pool. Or the R&D laboratories on the other side of the mansion were on fire. Or maybe Charlie had turned his German shepherd against Eggsy’s tiny pug, eating the poor critter whole.

Before Eggsy could speak, Merlin was already on his feet and asking, “What happened, lad?”

The boy blinked at him, frozen in the doorway for a moment, and then turned around to close the door.

“Nothin’,” Eggsy mumbled, his back to Merlin, and that only served to make the Scotsman frown more.

“I find that hard to believe, seen how you barged in here.”

Merlin saw the tension in Eggsy’s shoulders as he drew them up, as if he were expecting a blow.

“It’s just- I don’t want to go to medical,” he said, sounding quite distressed.

“You won’t lose your spot as a Lancelot candidate if you got injured, Eggsy,” Merlin slowly relaxed as he realised HQ wasn’t about to come crumbling down, but Eggsy seemed on the verge of collapse himself. Merlin rolled his chair towards him and prompted, “Sit.”

It was a moment before Eggsy complied, but when he did he slumped heavily in the chair, Merlin’s hold on the backrest the only thing that didn’t send it rolling a few inches back.

Merlin swivelled the chair around, looking down at Eggsy, trying to meet his eye but finding them trained on the tiled floor.

“Why would you need to go to medical?” he asked, aiming for the gentler tone he used with people he considered his friends.

Eggsy gave a half hearted shrug, and when Merlin asked again about any injuries, the boy shook his head again.

“What’s wrong, then? I’ve never seen you so down before.”

It was true. In the three months he had been at the estate for the Lancelot trials, Eggsy had been nothing but a positive force, a ray of sunshine that hid great willpower and determination behind a mask of cocky self-confidence and smugness even in the face of some of the less gallant of the candidates.

For a long, tense moment Eggsy didn’t say anything. Then, after a beat, he licked his lips and whispered with a shaky voice, “I think I’m pregnant.”

Merlin blinked, the words leaving an icy trail down his spine, and it actually took him a moment to gather his wits before he could respond.

“What makes you say that?” he asked, tensely.

It was no secret that Eggsy was an omega, since the candidates weren’t allowed to use scent-blockers as part of their resistance training, and he wasn’t the only one. There was still some stigma in Kingsman, particularly from Arthur, and some very archaic ideas about what exactly an omega’s role was were still popular among some of the staff and knights. But times had been changing for a long while, and they now had three beta knights and many omegas in their support staff.

Eggsy and another of the candidates were the first prospect omega knights, though, and in Merlin’s opinion Eggsy was the one with the highest chances of making it. It was hard to believe the boy would jeopardise his chances for a shag, but with the amount of bullying he received from some of the candidates… surely Arthur and the others would _never_ propose a candidate who would…

Before Merlin’s mind could race to the worst scenario, Eggsy looked up at him with closely knitted brows, his face pitched in a pleading expression, as if what he was about to say would get him kicked out and he was begging Merlin not to.

“I… coupla weeks or so before I got arrested and Harry bailed me out, I… well, I had my heat, y’know? And a friend of mine, Brendon - alpha, but the decent sort - helped me through it. And it wasn’t the first time, right, so we got all we needed to make sure we didn’t end up with…” he trailed off and swallowed thickly, as if to fight off a wave of nausea, before continuing, “Like, neither of us could take care of a kid, so we took all the right pills before, and after, and sometimes I even manage to pop one during, but last time I couldn’t and…” Eggsy paused again, looking around the room with haunted eyes, as if someone might just pop out of a wall to drag him away and put an end to his Kingsman career if he said the wrong thing.

“Merlin,” Eggsy whined, fixing his gaze on him, “I just realised- I ain’t had my heat this month. And it’s never been late, never, not even when I first presented, and I was just waiting for it to let me know it was comin’, ‘xcept it didn’t, and I was so busy I didn’t notice, and what am I gonna do?” the boy asked frantically, growing more and more panicked.

Despite himself, Merlin heaved a deep sigh of relief, letting his head fall back so he could send a quick thank you to all those deities he didn’t believe in.

“Calm down, Eggsy,” he said, as reassuring as he knew how - which, admittedly, wasn’t very, “don’t worry. You’re not pregnant.”

Eggsy opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, seeming torn between melting with relief and not believing Merlin.

“But I’ve never been late,” he repeated, frowning in confusion. “How d’you know that?”

“When you first arrived we took blood and urine samples from all candidates, remember?” Merlin said, tilting his head. “If you had been pregnant when you got here, it would’ve shown on the lab results of the tests we’ve ran.”

Eggsy blinked and leaned back in the chair, the tension visibly bleeding out of him as he let those words sink in.

“And… there’s no way those tests could be wrong?” the boy asked carefully.

“One of them? Yes. _All_ of them? Mathematically impossible. Any test could be wrong at any time, which is why we always run them all twice anyways,” Merlin said with a smile he hoped would be of comfort to the younger man.

He gave him a few moments to process that information, watching as the artery pulsing frantically in Eggsy’s neck slowly returned to a more natural rhythm.

“I’m not pregnant.” Eggsy closed his eyes and leaned forward, taking deep breaths as he braced his weight on his spread knees with his elbows. “I’m not pregnant. I’m _not_ pregnant…”

When the boy fell silent but failed to move again, Merlin reached to put a hand on his shoulder.

“Are you okay, lad?”

Eggsy took another moment, and then sat back in the chair with a loud sniff, his eyes glassy. “Yeah. Yeah, ‘m fine. Just a scare,” he mumbled, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands and sniffling again. “Shit. Why the fuck did my heat skip, then?”

Merlin shrugged even though Eggsy couldn’t see him and took a step back to give him space, leaning back against a nearby worktable he kept close to the door in case whatever he was tinkering with ended up exploding.

“Who knows. There can be many reasons. Increased physical activity, hormonal unbalance from being away from the alphas you’re used to that your organism reads as a dangerous situation or environment, a change in your diet… to name a few,” Merlin listed, watching as Eggsy dropped his hands in his lap. “Noticed any of these changes lately?” he asked, the question rhetorical but not cruel.

“Yeah… didn’t think ‘bout any o’that,” Eggsy said, sniffling again. “Sorry I panicked. Didn’t know who else to talk to,” he admitted.

“It’s alright, Eggsy. Really. Don’t mention it. Stress is a big troublemaker. It can stall off heats or trigger them unexpectedly, and sometimes you body decides it hates you and gives you three heats in a row like mine did when I first started working here,” Merlin said, waving away Eggsy’s unnecessary guilt.

The words, however, only made Eggsy’s eyes go wide again.

“You’s an omega?” he asked, incredulous.

“Aye,” Merlin confirmed with a small smile as Eggsy tried to catch his scent, fruitlessly.

“You on blockers?”

“Not exactly.” It was true Merlin was an omega, but he was rather… unconventional. “I’m barren.”

The simple revelation seemed to throw Eggsy off, because he recoiled with a stricken expression. Before he could talk, Merlin raised a hand to silence him, not wishing to listen to his unwarranted apologies.

“Don’t pity me, Eggsy. I never wanted a family. This has always been a blessing in disguise for my work. If I were fertile, I would have gone and neutered myself probably,” he said matter of factly.

“Yeah, but…”

Whatever he saw on Merlin’s face caused Eggsy to close his mouth and straighten his back, his sentence dying off.

“Everything works. I have heats, I can scent other people, I could even bond if I so desired. But I’m not fertile, so my scent isn’t very strong, as I wouldn’t be a good mate for any alpha who wished for children. It helps me pass as a beta most of the time, which suits me just fine.” Merlin cracked another smile. “You aren’t being insensitive by being glad you’re not pregnant.”

Eggsy sighed deeply, but nodded in understanding.

“It’s just… there was this lady, couple of doors down from mine, who was barren. And mum says she was always glaring when children or pregnant people would pass by her, but sometimes she’d cry. She was alone and all, and remembering her I thought maybe I’d hurt your feelings,” Eggsy said.

It was incredible how a boy with a background as harsh as Eggsy’s could still be so considerate of people and their feelings. If he had had any doubts before, that was the moment Merlin decided he was rooting for Eggsy. Not that it would make him go easy on the boy.

“Thank you for thinking of that, but you don’t have to worry. I’ve never truly felt like an omega anyways.” Merlin paused for a beat, and then told Eggsy something he had only ever confessed to Harry. “I’ve been doing some research on the side for years, now, actually. To see if there were any ways to change one’s sex. Wouldn’t it be great if there was a cocktail of hormones for people like me, that could make them into betas if they so wished? Even if that meant taking pills for the rest of one’s life.” His smile turned rueful, and he shook his head. “Isn’t working yet. Not even stable for human testing. But who knows, maybe one day science will go that step further.”

He waited for Eggsy’s comment on the matter, wondering if he would say some of the things that Merlin had asked himself for years during his youth. _Is this just because I’m infertile? Would I like being an omega if I could have children? Would spending my heats with someone make me accept my sex?_ In the end Merlin had realised that the answer to all those seemingly complicated questions was a very simple ‘no’. Even before knowing he was barren, Merlin had never wanted children, and ever since he had presented he had despised every little aspects of it. Even when, years in the future, he did spend his heats with someone - someone whom he loved very dearly, at that - he still didn’t particularly like being an omega. Oh, sure, the sex was great, it felt really good, as it did the few times he’d been with someone outside of his heat, but it still didn’t change the fact that he didn’t particularly enjoy being an omega. At the end of the day, he went about his business reminding himself that the only difference between a beta and himself was at least his arse got wet on its own.

Eggsy’s response, when it came a couple of minutes later, was soft but sure.

“Well, I hope so. I know you ain’t the only one who feels like that. And not just omegas I know who kept having kids they couldn’t afford and wished they could be beta, either,” he said, and his smile was as bright as Harry’s had been when Merlin had explained his peculiar predicament. Except that had been years prior, and back then Harry had replied with a honest wish of good luck, and genuine hopes that Merlin’s work may be finished soon so he could be whatever made him happy.

“Oh, I know I’m not alone. Which is why it saddens me my side project isn’t working,” Merlin said. And although through the years he had come to terms with what he was and with the fact that he might never be able to change, sometimes even tricking himself into thinking he ought to be thankful for it since it gave him a chance to be with Harry, he knew he couldn’t stop researching if a treatment for people who wished to change their dynamic was possible. It could really change the world for the better for people like him.

Merlin took another chair and dragged it back to his desk, where he was working on some blueprints. It wasn’t a dismissal, because he didn’t ask Eggsy to leave or give his chair back, and so Eggsy stayed a bit longer, even if it was just to enjoy some companionable silence. Eggsy eventually left when he realised he should probably get to the shooting range for some practice, which was were he had been heading for some practice when dread had caused him to rush over to Merlin’s.

Eggsy thanked Merlin, somewhat meekly, and took his leave.

It wouldn’t be the last time Eggsy joined Merlin in his lab for some idle chatting or just so they could share in their silence, the boy usually bringing a nibble or some freshly brewed coffee or tea, depending on the time of day. Merlin had a nagging suspicion that Harry had told Eggsy to do that, and for a man who spent half his vacation days in a coma in the medical wing Harry could really be a mother hen. Especially if he could be so without showing his face, knowing fully well that Merlin had banned him from his office, labelling him as a distraction.

Their relationship wasn’t a conventional one - far from it. They shared Merlin’s heats occasionally, if Harry wasn’t busy with work and could take a few days off. They were friends, and colleagues. They weren’t bonded, not in the traditional sense, but even without that there was an undiscussed connection between them. They were in love, probably. Had been for years, likely. But they were content never addressing it, and even if they weren’t a couple, they knew they had each other. But they weren’t in a relationship. They weren’t exclusive due to the very nature of Harry’s work, and they did sleep with whomever they liked on the side, if it pleased them. Neither had a problem with that. They were both busy, after all.

* * *

Time passed, and Merlin kept training the recruits as their numbers dwindled. Harry kept studying Valentine, trying to grasp his plan and considering the best course of action to take him down. Eggsy had a couple of heats, just one month apart from each other, which he spent in one of the designed rooms down in medical. They considered giving him heat suppressants, but decided it would be best to wait until Eggsy’s heat cycle was regular again, to avoid unbalancing his hormones any further. It could wait until after the trials were done, after all.

Except, apparently the train track test proved too stressful for Eggsy, and it triggered a heat. And with the scheduled twenty-four hours to be spent between Knight and recruit...

Merlin told himself he wasn’t jealous. Harry could sleep with whomever he wanted. It was clear as day that there was no one else Eggsy would rather spend his heat with. The boy was in love, if Merlin had ever seen the sentiment - which he had.

On Harry’s face, whenever he looked at Eggsy.

They weren’t together. Merlin had no claim over Harry, just like Harry had no claim over him. Things had always been like that, and who was Merlin to ask for them to change? It wasn’t his place to demand anything from Harry.

He just selfishly wished that, of all the people Harry could pick over him, the man wouldn’t have chosen to fall for the boy Merlin had grown to love so much.

It would be a lie to say he wasn’t attached to Eggsy, even though the attraction he felt for him wasn’t as strong as what he felt for Harry. Deep down, biology would always win over sheer willpower, mocking him into wanting Harry whenever he caught a whiff of the man’s scent like in the most base of omega instincts. Merlin despised that, which was why his feelings for Eggsy were so refreshing.

With Eggsy, Merlin felt in control. He felt like they could pick a pace and settle with it, taking their times in the way he rarely could with Harry, with the way heats made everything turn into a flurry of hands, teeth, tongues and cocks.

Merlin had always known his queerness hadn’t been confined to his desire to change his body, his sex. He had had feelings for other omegas before Eggsy, when he was still a teenager, and he had even fancied a beta or two. Harry was and would always be his only alpha, though, the only one he trusted enough to bare his soul to.

Well. Not _his_ alpha. He had never wanted to saddle Harry with himself, even when Harry had made it clear that he didn’t care about whether Merlin could or would have his children or not.

Of course, there had been other reasons as well. Merlin had hoped to finish his experiment before he hit his thirties, and he had no idea how a bond might interfere with a hormone replacement therapy. Then there was the matter of Arthur not approving of people in Kingsman bonding, and not approving of omegas in general. They were only good as housekeepers and childbearers in his opinion, and as such Merlin was already flawed, useless. Broken.

There had always been more reasons not to bond than reasons to. His jealousy was completely out of line. For all he knew, Harry had left Eggsy in his flat and had left to go to a hotel, or something equally gallant.

It would be nice to believe that, really. But Merlin remembered far too clearly of his and Harry’s first night together. Of the way just a sniff of Merlin’s scent, heightened by his heat, had ignited a spark of almost feral passion after months of longing gazes and gentle touches. Why would it be any different with Eggsy?

Merlin spent the following two days working on his therapy, trying to shut out any thought of Harry and Eggsy together. He really wished them all the happiness the world could give, but he couldn’t help the way his guts twisted whenever he pictured either of those beloved faces.

Everyone at the estate had been warned that the dog test would be postponed, and without Harry and Eggsy it seemed like no one noticed that Merlin didn’t even emerge from his office.

* * *

The dog test came and went.

Merlin didn’t see Eggsy nor Harry before it, only speaking briefly with the latter when he told him about Valentine being at the shop, and needing someone to monitor the surveillance devices put in his top hat by Lock & Co.

He knew that Eggsy had been fitted for a suit, which meant Harry was confident, but Merlin also had the feeling it was a courting gift. He asked Arthur if he could walk Eggsy through the last part of the test, and the man accepted readily with a cruel smile. It would have made Merlin feel guilty, if it weren’t for the fear that gripped him at the thought of seeing Eggsy, of finding his scent mingled with Harry’s and a still healing bond mark on his neck. As it were, Merlin could only hope Eggsy wouldn’t fail. That Harry would be right.

But he was wrong.

When the door to the dining room opened and Arthur walked in, alone, Merlin felt his stomach sink.

After congratulating Roxy for her new title as Lancelot, Merlin was quick to leave King and Knight to their toasts. He headed for the dormitories and found them empty, then went to his office and to the lab where he would sometimes allow Eggsy to watch him work on the less dangerous gadget or weapon prototypes, but the boy was simply gone.

That meant Merlin was unlikely to ever see him again, unless he looked for him after work - but with his hours…

Well. He would also see him if Harry swallowed his disappointment and bonded with the lad, if he hadn’t already. He supposed that’d be better than nothing.

Merlin left his office and headed for mission control in one last ditch effort to find Eggsy. Maybe he was there, waiting to talk to Merlin before taking the bullet train back to London. For a last farewell, or to talk about the dog test, or about his heat and Harry. Once again, no one was there.

Deciding he might as well do some work, Merlin sat at the console and checked the estate’s security cameras, trying to track Eggsy’s movements, and to his surprise he found the boy hadn’t left via bullet train, but had instead nicked a Kingsman cab. The Scotsman huffed an amused laughter, hoping Arthur’s ire would be directed to Harry rather than him. After all, Harry had been the one to try and bring a rebellious bit of rough omega into the Kingsman’s ranks. Merlin was just one of the few people who had actually wanted to keep him there.

As he watched the footage of Eggsy speeding away, tires rolling emptily for a few seconds on the gravel at the lack of traction, Merlin couldn’t help but wonder where he was going. Home, perhaps. Or Harry’s.

He should check-in with the man. He should call and ask whether the boy was alright.

Merlin checked the time and startled in realising he’d wandered the manor for more than an hour while looking for Eggsy, but it wasn’t a bad thing. It was just enough time to get to Harry’s townhouse, the traffic mild at that time, and even more so if Eggsy took advantage of the taxi lanes.

Turning one of the smaller screens on, Merlin started typing the string of codes necessary to open his private channel with Harry. He considered doing this through their private server, which could be more readily accessed through his glasses, but he decided he didn’t want private matters to be discussed and that the work channels would serve to disencourage any attempt to talk about feelings and other such unprofessional things.

“Galahad,” Harry’s calm voice came from across town, and Merlin flinched. He still had no idea. And his voice sounded so relaxed, like after…

“Harry. The dog test is over,” he started, his voice feeling rough in his throat.

“Excellent! I was starting to worry, it doesn’t usually take this long. I trust they both passed without troubles? And that field mission is the next step?” Harry sounded eager, excited like a child on Christmas morning.

Merlin swallowed.

“He failed.”

There was a beat of silence, then Harry’s feed shifted with the rustle of a duvet. He was still in his room, apparently, and from the glance of pink skin Merlin saw flashing in the mirror above Harry’s dresser, the man was still well away from being ready for the day.

“What do you mean, he failed?” Harry’s voice had shifted from calm to deadly still, and Merlin sighed.

“You said he crashed a car rather than run a fox over. You really thought he would shoot his dog?”

There was a moment of silence, Harry’s muttered curses barely audible as he dug for clothes in his drawers. Merlin could see some clothes still strewn on the floor, at the edge of the screen, and he looked away for a moment to gather himself.

It was just biology. Maybe it hadn’t even meant anything. Maybe he was wrong, and Harry wasn’t in love with Eggsy.

When he looked up, Harry was buttoning a fresh shirt up, a pair of trousers already up his legs, and he watched with something that felt distinctly like heartache as Harry fished a beige cardigan from his drawers. It was an old thing Merlin had gotten him for Christmas years before, and still one of Merlin’s favourites. He remembered how it felt to press his cheek against the soft fabric, against the firm chest underneath.

He wondered, briefly, if Harry had chosen it out of habit, or out of comfort. Maybe when he wore it he too was reminded of quiet nights sipping wine together, just leaning against each other with a bad movie on the telly and a roaring fire in the hearth.

“I really thought you’d told him it was a blank,” Merlin said, deciding not to think of all the reasons Harry might be choosing to wear that, of all things. Did he even remember it was a gift from him?

“Of course I didn’t! That’s against the rules.”

“You seemed so confident, I thought you might’ve let the cat out of that particular bag. Not in as many words, necessarily. The lad is smart. He could have seen Mr Pickle, heard about the pancreatitis, and today he would have put one and one together,” Merlin reasoned, quietly, although he knew Harry was nothing but honorable. He would never cheat.

“I was hoping he’d realise the gun wasn’t really loaded. With his marksmanship scores, I expected…” Harry trailed off as he slipped the cardigan on and glanced at his reflection in the mirror, only visible from the waist up. “Where is he now?” he asked, and Merlin flinched.

“He stole the cab that was waiting to pick Arthur up. Got out of there like we were going to drown his dog and then his whole family.” He paused, then added, “I thought he might be heading to yours.”

“How long?” Harry asked, checking his watch.

“Two hours.”

“He’d be here already.”

Merlin hummed. “Maybe he just went home.”

Harry stared outside his window for a moment, and then turned on his heels.

“Merlin, could you redirect the stolen cab’s feed on my tablet?” he asked as he descended the stairs two by two, heading for wherever he had left the thing.

“Of course,” Merlin replied, his voice almost drowned out by the quick clicking of keys.

“Thank you,” Harry said as he turned on the tablet, and through his glasses the two men watched together as the cab’s CCTV live feed came on.

Eggsy was driving somewhere, his jaw clenched and his face determined. His gaze made it clear that he didn’t think he had anything else to lose.

He had changed from his trainee jumpsuit, Merlin noticed, which made sense. Of course he would rush home, to his mother and baby sister, before going to Harry’s. He was probably angry at Kingsman, maybe even felt betrayed. Maybe he was going to confront Harry right then. Except, his surroundings made no sense. He was still at the estates.

“Where is he going?” Merlin asked with a frown, his fingers already dancing on his keyboard.

“Can you track him?” Harry asked, and something in his voice was tight.

“Way ahead of you,” Merlin said, just as a map tracking the cab’s GPS showed up on another side screen. “He’s headed for a pub, it seems. To drown his regrets, maybe?” Except, when the name of the establishment came into sight on the side of the building, Merlin frowned. “ _The Black Prince_? Isn’t that where you peacocked in front of him?”

“Shit,” Harry said, pacing his living room like a caged lion. It was only thanks to years of practice that Merlin didn’t get seasick.

Although, when the cab stopped and Eggsy leaned his elbow on the rolled down window, he did feel sick, getting to the same conclusion as Harry had.

Eggsy had gone home, to see his mother, then went out on the hunt for his stepfather.

“Merlin,” Harry said, and again Merlin was working before the man even finished his sentence of, “Could you patch the cab’s remote controls through my tablet?”

“It won’t take a minute,” Merlin said, his concentration not faltering as he typed in command after command, until green words in the Kingsman’s block font appeared on the screen, over the map. “Override complete,” he said, leaning back in his chair just a fraction, but already busy doing something else.

“Thank you,” Harry said, and he could see out of the corner of his eye as Eggsy cursed and hit the car’s door and bulletproof window like a trapped animal fighting back against his cage. Then, the visual switched to the dashboard cam as Harry began driving the cab from.

“Bring him home,” he said absentmindedly, the word slipping easily. Where even was, home? The concrete box that was the Unwin’s council provided flat? Kingsman’s HQ? Harry’s house in the Mews?

He shook his head and muttered to himself, reminding himself not to be a fool, and after a bit of hacking he slumped fully back in his chair, immensely relieved to find footage from half an hour earlier of Michelle Unwin returning home with her baby daughter in tow.

“Eggsy’s family’s fine,” Merlin told Harry, pausing. “Well, not fine, probably. By Eggsy’s reaction, I reckon his stepfather hit them.”

“That does sound like that arsehole’s _modus operandi_ , yes. Always takes it out on the weaker ones.” Harry paused, and then asked, “Did you think he’d returned home to find them dead?” His voice noted surprise and even some alarm, and Merlin pushed his glasses to his forehead to rub his eyes.

“I don’t know what I was thinking. It’s just… We abandoned them, all those years ago, and Eggsy lost his childhood. Grew up in a familial hell. And now he abandoned them, to come and join us.”

“He feels responsible,” Harry agreed, quietly.

“Aye. He may not be an alpha, but he still acts like one when he has to protect the people he loves.” Merlin sighed and let his glasses slip back on his nose. He blames himself, and he blames us all.”

Harry didn’t reply. Merlin watched as Harry’s townhouse came into view in the dashboard cam, the man himself standing on the balcony. It was always weird to stare into that kind of loop, and he was grateful when Harry lifted his head to look at Eggsy.

Eggsy looked as defiant as ever, but at the same time he looked like a boy about to be chastised. Merlin realised the conversation might easily take a turn for the personal as Harry turned back to his bedroom, and so he cleared his throat and turned off the cab controls and cameras.

He tried not to linger on the still unmade bed, the pieces of clothing still on the floor, the empty water bottles and teacups on both nightstands, the drawer on Harry’s side slightly ajar.

“I’ll leave you to it,” he said, hoping to sound unobtrusive. “Don’t be too hard on the boy,” he added, but he didn’t get a reply.

Before he could log off, Harry took his glasses off and the line went dead.

Merlin leaned on the desk with his elbows, his head between his head as he took a deep breath.

Well. At least Eggsy was safe. But the clothes strewn on the floor didn’t leave much doubts about what had transpired between Harry and Eggsy, as if Merlin needed the visual confirmation.

He wondered what Harry and Eggsy were talking about. He could imagine Harry showing Mr Pickle to Eggsy, explaining the trick, the bluff, the test of trust and loyalty. But he could also picture so very easily how, instead of angry words, the two men would share a comforting moment to fight off their disappointment. Perhaps they were hugging, scenting each other’s neck for comfort, feelings still running high for the heat they spent together…

Merlin wasn’t sure how long he sat there like that, his thoughts heavy with heartache despite his hopes that they were talking it out peacefully, but he pulled back from the haze to a beeping sound coming from his computer.

“What the hell,” he muttered unhappily, letting the notification come in, and his eyebrows knitted together at the audio feed his assistants had just sent him.

Something of importance from Valentine, then. Finally.

Merlin listened to it a few times, to make sure there was nothing else aside from the words being exchanged to be discerned from the file, but he couldn’t hear much past the noise of engines, of metal grinding against metal, and of a pen scraping on paper.

When he knew he couldn’t dawdle anymore, he reached for Galahad’s feed again, and turned it back on, making the glasses vibrate slightly in Harry’s hand.

The video feed came back on and swam for a moment as Harry put the glasses back on, bright blue butterflies coming into view. Mr Pickle, then.

“Harry, listen to this,” he said, tone more business like than before as he patched the audio through. “Valentine’s at last said something of note.”

They listened together to Valentine lisping his way through the virtues of pen and paper and talking about his work, and then finally what they needed to hear.

“South Glade Mission Church,” Harry said, and Merlin nodded silently, glad they were on the same page. “Merlin, get the plane ready.”

“Will do,” he said, his visuals moving again as Harry took his glasses off once more.

Before he could turn them off, though, Eggsy’s voice came through. Merlin couldn’t see the boy’s face, but he sounded… devastated. What had Harry told him?

“Harry, I’m so sorry, I’m gonna do every-”

“You should be,” Harry cut him off, and Merlin flinched in sympathy. Harry’s cold rage was worse than his temper, and no one should find themselves facing it. “You just stay right there, I’ll sort this mess out when I get back.”

Merlin turned the feed off and went about preparing the plane. He would talk to Eggsy, while Harry was en route to the church. He would explain that sometimes Harry could get like that, but that mostly he did so whenever he was angry at himself the most. That he loved Eggsy even if he wasn’t a Kingsman, and that anyone could see that clear as day. That when he got back, Harry wouldn’t be as angry as he was, mostly he would feel bitter about the lost chance of working side by side with Eggsy as a fellow knight. But there were other roles for a strapping lad like him in their ranks.

Yes. Everything would be alright.

* * *

When Merlin next saw Eggsy, the world had lost its colour.

The nightmare the media simply referred to as “The Outburst”, or sometimes “The Rage”, had shaken the world. Hundreds of world leaders were dead by Merlin’s hand, and thousands of people died by each other’s hands - family killing family, kin murdering kin, friends slaying friends.

But it was behind them.

Somehow, Kingsman had endured.

Eggsy and Roxy had saved the world with his help and Merlin should feel proud of that achievement. Instead, he felt empty. He had saved the world, but he couldn’t save one of the men he loved. Everything seemed pointless.

Eggsy had been practically bedridden for a month, with broken ribs and bruised organs, while the remaining Knights, Merlin and all of Kingsman’s surviving support stuff who was still fit enough for fieldwork worked to try and stabilise the situation.

When possible Merlin would go and keep Eggsy some company in medical, taking advantage of the occasional spare bed to catch some shut eye, helping him hobble around the mansion as soon as Eggsy was told he could start walking if he so wished.

By the time Eggsy left the med bay, many crisis had been averted and most of the world had fallen back on emergency governments to stabilise the world until proper elections could be held again, or suitable heirs to Europe’s little kingdoms could be found.

They didn’t talk about Harry. Merlin wasn’t sure if Eggsy knew what Harry had been to him. As such, it made sense that Eggsy didn’t breach a certain subject until another two months had passed from V-day.

Eggsy had taken to bring Merlin food and drinks again, much like when he had been a recruit, and after saving the world Merlin felt they were closer than before. Sometimes Merlin drank, often too much, but Eggsy never joined him. They would sit together, the lights dimmed as they sat on the old, battered couch in Merlin’s office. Eggsy would insist Merlin should rest in a proper bed, and take him home: more often than not, the boy wound up sleeping in the guest room while Merlin, not always drunkenly, clutched a pillow to his chest and wished for someone to hold.

It was an apparently normal night when Eggsy breached the subject, his voice sounding uncharacteristically grown up.

“I haven’t had a heat since I became Galahad,” he said, taking a sip of his chamomile tea.

“It’s the stress,” Merlin said, remembering their conversation from what felt like years before. He was already two glasses in and was nursing yet another finger of scotch, tilting the tumbler on its base and rolling it distractedly.

“It’s not,” Eggsy said calmly, and Merlin made a noise at the back of his throat.

He was halfway through his sip of scotch when the words registered, and he put the glass down, swallowing the alcohol with too much air, his throat burning as he coughed and tried not to choke.

What an undignified way to go, that would be.

“How’d’you mean?” Merlin asked, the alcohol sharpening his brogue, drawling the words and blurring them together inelegantly.

Eggsy shrugged, like it was easy - but he didn’t meet Merlin’s eye as he spoke.

“I’m pregnant.” A pause. Then, “It’s Harry’s.”

Merlin just stared. He stared for so long he thought Eggsy was going to fall asleep, but when the boy did turn his head, the gaze that met his was firm and confident.

“After the train track trial, when I got my heat. I’m sure you know Harry and I…” Eggsy trailed off when Merlin nodded mutely, swallowing the hurt down. “Right. Well. I took the before pill, but then… there was the dog trial, and then the church, and then V-day, and… by the time I remembered I had to take the after pill, it was too late. It didn’t work.”

Merlin’s brain felt sluggish, so he put his glass down and turned his body to face Eggsy, trying to clear his mind.

“So you’re…?” he tried, but he lost his train of thoughts.

“Three months along.” After waiting for a comment that didn’t come, Eggsy added, “With Harry’s kid.”

Merlin let out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding, and then turned again so he could slump back against the couch and stare at the empty wall opposite to him.

Neither man said anything for a long moment. Then, Merlin drained his drink and reached for the bottle again, and Eggsy sighed.

“Listen, guv,” he started, shifting uneasily. “I know it’s shite, yeah? When I found out, I… I couldn’t not keep it. It’s _Harry’s_ ,” he said, and Merlin flinched.

Would Harry have stayed if Merlin could have given him a child? Would he have been allowed to keep the man, if his body wasn’t just so… _broken_ , supplied a voice that sounded horribly like Chester King’s.

Merlin poured himself two more fingers, and Eggsy’s hand came to rest on his elbow.

“I ain’t sayin’ this to hurt you,” the boy said, quietly. “I know you and Harry had… something. No idea what.”

“That makes two of us, lad,” Merlin croaked out, his throat feeling parched despite the scotch he had been pouring down it for a couple of hours. Maybe it was that. It was scorched, not parched. Same difference. Merlin stared glumly into his tumbler.

“He offered to leave so I could have my heat, but I didn’t want him to go. You know how it is,” Eggsy said, his voice small. Merlin could only nod. “I asked him if he could see me through it, if he wanted to, and… he did.”

More intrusive thought clouded Merlin’s mind, telling him what a poor choice of a mate he had been, what a disgraceful omega, what a waste of Harry’s time.

“You shouldn’t have waited until I got drunk to tell me this,” Merlin grumbled, taking his glasses off and leaving them on the couch, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

Eggsy gave a smile that looked like a grimace. “Sorry. I thought it’d make it easier.” He raised his cup pointedly. “Guess I forgot I’d still be sober during this.”

Merlin sighed, and silence fell between them again. After a short eternity, Merlin finally spoke.

“I know what happened that day. It wasn’t hard to deduce, with the way you two looked at each other. Lovesick puppy, the both of you.” His tone was still grim, but his lips curled in a sad smile. “Wasn’t sure who I oughta’ve envied more,” he admitted.

Eggsy moved to take Merlin’s glass from his limp grip, and then leaned forward to leave both it and his cup on the floor. Merlin couldn’t help but follow the movement with his eyes, gaze trained on the lad’s still flat stomach.

“You know,” Eggsy started, causing Merlin’s attention to shift to his face. There was a small smile there, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “He had a picture of the two of you in his bedside table. I was snoopin’ around while he made us tea, and under a spare pair of glasses, a gun and a bottle of lube… there was this picture of you two. You were so young, it must’ve been from before I was even born. He had the most ridiculously poofy hair I’d ever seen, and that you had hair at all was shocking.”

Merlin blinked rapidly and told himself his vision was blurred because of the alcohol and the lack of his spectacles, not because he might cry.

He remembered that picture. They had it snapped while on a mission in Paris. They were at the Champs Elysees, smiling like fools in the muted dusk light, l’Arc de Triomphe standing tall and proud behind them in the distance. The film had made the background blurry, the light grainy as it turned from golden to orange, but he remembered their faces clearly. He remembered, clearly, what had been going through his mind at that moment, all those years ago.

“I can’t believe Harry kept it,” he murmured under his breath, looking at his knees and running a hand over his scalp. “One day I’ll tell you that story. I’m afraid I don’t have the strength to do so now without breaking down,” Merlin admitted.

Eggsy smiled and shook his head. “You don’t have to,” he reassured him, “I just thought you deserved to know.” But Merlin met his eyes again.

“I want to. I want you to know everything about the man we love.” He would have felt embarrassed if it weren’t for the alcohol, so he pushed on. “He would want you to know, too.” Merlin didn’t look away from Eggsy’s face and grasped blindly for his hand, squeezing and holding onto it once he found it.

“Merlin…”

“No, lad. Please, let me say this.” He took a breath through his nose, and then said all in one breath, “I regret never telling Harry just how much I honestly loved him, and I don’t intend on doing the same mistake with you. It may be unconventional, and I’m sorry if it disgusts you in any way, but it would be my honour to raise this child with you, if you want.”

Eggsy looked stunned, and Merlin kept going before he could stop him.

“You don’t have to return my feelings, but without Harry here, even if you just need something you can’t get on your own… I would love to be there for you. Don’t hesitate to ask me for anything, please.”

The silence between them stretched for another long moment, and then Eggsy’s lips curved in a wobbly smile.

“Fucking hormones,” he mumbled, rubbing one eye with his free hand as tears gathered in it. “God, Merls, I’ve been into you both since the beginning. Of course I ain’t disgusted, and of course I wanna raise this kid with you,” he said, his voice unsteady. “But I wasn’t gonna ask, because that wouldn’t be fair, would it? I mean, it’s your _mate’s_ child, and I thought you’d hate me…”

“No, Eggsy, _no_ ,” Merlin reassured him quickly, squeezing his hand. “I could never hate you because Harry loved you. If anything, I’d hate myself for never even asking him what we were,” he confessed. He knew Eggsy would correctly deduce what his train of thoughts had been more than once in the past few days.

“What’s done’s done. It’s no use digging up the past, you can’t change it,” Eggsy said, shaking his head with a smile. “I’m sure Harry would say the same.”

Merlin scoffed. “Oh, yes, and then he’d proceed to beat himself up about it,” he said with an eyeroll.

Eggsy giggled, and just like that, the hurt lessened a bit.

They weren’t alone anymore.

* * *

Eggsy started to show around the fifth month. He had stopped training his abs when he had found out about the pregnancy, of course, but what at first seemed to just be the natural layer of fat the omegas had on their stomachs soon turned into a baby bump.

Merlin had never felt the way he did whenever he looked at Eggsy, and he wondered if that was how alphas behaved towards their mates.

Sometimes he would simply put his hand on Eggsy’s stomach, testing the roundness of it while they cuddled on the couch, trying to read or watch a movie, or reply to an email or the other; other times he was so overwhelmed by a feeling of love and protectiveness that he’d drop to his knees to press his cheeks and lips against Eggsy’s stomach.

It was ridiculous. They weren’t mates, they couldn’t even bond, and Merlin had no real scent to speak of, and yet. He acted like a proper alpha sometimes, and Eggsy clearly loved it.

They had sex, sometimes as slow and loving as Merlin had always imagined, and other times fast and almost brutal, with bruising kisses and chafing handjobs.

Some things were more tentative than others, their balance harder to find than it would have been for an alpha and an omega. Merlin had decided to not stop taking his suppressants until after the gravidance was over, for fear of being in heat when Eggsy might need him, and Eggsy insisted it was unnecessary.

Other things fell into place almost without any input, like the way they both took care of Harry’s old house, now technically Eggsy’s, or how they never needed to talk about who was supposed to wash the dishes and who was supposed to take out the trash.

Slowly but surely, things started falling into place.

And then, one day not long before Christmas, things changed in such an exponential manner that would have shattered lesser men.

Because Harry Hart came back from the dead.

There were tears, insults and curses. There were apologies, hugs and promises.

Explanations - _bullet went in through the eye socket and out the temple_ , _coma_ , _logopedy_ , _physiotherapy_.

Confessions - _I love you_ , _I’ve always loved you_ , _I’m sorry I was an idiot_ , _I’ve missed you so much_.

Celebrations - _It’s a boy_ , _I can’t believe it_ , _we’re gonna have a baby boy_.

And then, once again, things slowly but surely found their place.

Merlin felt like a caterpillar who had roamed the earth looking for a purpose, for a sense of belonging; Eggsy had helped him adapt, turn into a chrysalis, helped him prepare himself for the changes that were yet to come; and Harry, coming back like the sun after a long winter night, had finally coaxed him out of his cocoon to find his real place in life.

Perhaps he had spent too many years with Harry if butterfly metaphors were the only ones he seemed to manage, but he didn’t care. Time with Harry was never enough.

* * *

“I can’t believe this movie!”

“It’s a classic.”

“Might be, but I still saw the ending coming from miles away.”

“That’s because it was such a good finale that it became a trope, and now it feels so cheap that even the original work seems shabby.”

“Don’t get why we couldn’t just watch Pacific Rim…”

“God, not again.”

“Lee likes it!”

“As do I, my darling. But as good as it is, I might have to start sleeping at HQ to avoid watching it for the fourth time this week.”

“Come ooon! You know you and Merls would be sick Jaeger pilots. Punching monsters left and right, savin’ the day…”

“Where would you be in this scenario?”

“I’d be waiting home for you, ready to patch you up and to show you how grateful I was for your heroic acts.”

“Like now, then.”

“Oi! You know this ain’t permanent. Don’t get used to me playing the meek omega housekeeper…”

“Perish the thought.”

“Good!”

Merlin watched affectionately from his end of the couch as Harry and Eggsy bickered lovingly, the omega’s hands on his round stomach, Harry’s arm wrapped around his shoulder. From where he sat, Harry’s profile was the epitome of enigmatic with his eyepatch and the scar tissue on his temple, barely covered by his unstyled hair, but his smile was as sweet as ever. Sometimes he would turn around to make sure Merlin was still there, and he often lamented the loss of his eye because he hated to have a blind spot where one of his mates might hide.

When he turned yet again, Merlin gave a fond, mock exasperated sigh and scooted closer, until he was leaning his cheek on Harry’s shoulder, the cardigan he wore soft against his cheek. He could just close his eyes and sleep, Harry’s arm coming around to hold him closer, but he decided to reach over Harry so he could splay a hand on Eggsy’s warm belly.

“Are we going to watch Pacific Rim in loop for the next two months, until this bugger pops out?” Merlin asked, and Eggsy snorted.

“More like the next two years, until he can talk to tell us he can’t take it anymore,” Harry stage whispered, earning himself a faint slap to his chest from Eggsy.

“You two don’t have to watch, you can just sit there and shush,” the boy observed, but that was as likely as either of them ever leaving.

Merlin craned his neck to look Eggsy and Harry in the eyes, one eyebrow raised and a smirk in place. “I have a counter proposal.”

“Anything,” Harry pleaded, and Merlin’s grin only grew.

“Mad. Max. Fury. Road.”

Harry groaned at the same time as Eggsy whooped and leaped off the couch with far too much grace for a thirty weeks pregnant omega.

“God, that movie barely has a plot,” Harry lamented.

Merlin chuckled, leaning in to press a kiss to the bond mark Eggsy had bitten into Harry’s neck, unable to stretch over enough to reach the matching one he himself had left on the other side.

“Oh, come now. You spend most of your days at HQ anyways.”

“Well, yes, but I was planning on taking paperwork at home so I can work from here as well. We could take turns helping Eggsy,” he said, nodding towards the lad as he hurriedly switched the discs in their Blu-Ray player.

“A movie without plot and with awesome music is a perfect background to file forms to,” Merlin pointed out. “And you’re the one who insisted we oughta buy a dozen action movies for our boy.”

Harry was about to protest again, but he was cut short by Eggsy sitting back next to him and burrowing in the warmth of his side.

“You should be glad I wait until no one else’s home before breaking out the musicals Roxy got me,” he said with a grin, and by the glance they exchanged, Harry and Merlin were feeling impossibly fond.

“You, my boy, sing like an angel.”

“But it can be quite distracting.”

“Especially when you’re dancing as well…”

“Oi, watch the movie you horndogs,” Eggsy said with a delighted grin, and Harry smiled before leaning in to press a kiss to the bond mark on Eggsy’s neck, doing the same on the other side to kiss Merlin’s.

The Scotsman shivered and settled against Harry again, smiling.

Nowadays, he was glad for all that time he had once thought of as wasted when it came to Harry. Things between them couldn’t have worked, not with the way things were. And, if they had, they never would have had Eggsy with them.

No, everything was perfect just as it was. None of them would have worked without the others. They completed each other, their bond possible through Harry, their relationship possible through Merlin, their lives so impossibly full thanks to Eggsy. Together, they were one. And, soon, they would be a family.

“Man, Tom Hardy’s so hot…”

“Eggsy, not in front of the baby.”

“Lee will agree with me when he grows up, you’ll see!”

Merlin grinned to himself and closed his eyes, sleep coming easier than ever to him now that he was finally home.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: I don't even like Mpreg or parent fics, so I'm blaming this whole story on my impending period. And on my fever, for making it so long. Sadly, I can't add my uterus as a co-writer.
> 
> I may also come back to this 'verse some day, mostly for smut purposes. Like Harry and Eggsy during his heat, the Paris mission, the first time they slept all together, Harry and Merlin during his heat... but also some more detailed adjusting to being parents, maybe after the bundle o' joy's born. And some more gratuitous fluff, ofc.  
> Especially because, as usual, I get so excited I'm about to finish that I tend to rush the endings...
> 
> Feel free to point out any mistakes you find.
> 
> I hope the fill is alright!
> 
> Thank you all for reading! I hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
